a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Is her dick bigger than yours?
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
