We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
