maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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