Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize