You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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