Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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