I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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