I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Randomize
