I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize