Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
