Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
