Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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