Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
