I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize