Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
