You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
