If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize