I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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