Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
