I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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