LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
