Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
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