I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
