Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
