In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize