dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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