It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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