So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
