Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
All the doctor said was why
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
