So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
