We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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