I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Randomize
