Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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