this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
