Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
