soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
