I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
