1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
