I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize