His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I got inside last night via doggy door
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Randomize
