they need to just BURY HIM!
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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