Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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