You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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