No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
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