oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
