yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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