I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
