Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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