I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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