I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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