Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize