I'm laying in your front yard are you home
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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