it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
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