i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
