there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
