We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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