Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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