Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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