my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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