woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
