i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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