I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize