I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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