He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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