i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize