Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
