We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Randomize
