I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
