why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
