You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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