Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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