I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
