ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
My ATM looks so different sober.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
