bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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