it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
